The Make us Laugh Challenge Thread

Katheryne Helendale

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what's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
The one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
Hold my beer!

What do you do if you get swallowed by an elephant?

Run around until you get pooped out.
 

Katheryne Helendale

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Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day,
picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to
the checkout counter.

The man at the checkout counter asked the older
boy, "son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know what these are
used for?"

The boy replied, "not exactly, but they aren't for me.
They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw
on TV that if you use these, you would be able to
swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."
 

Katheryne Helendale

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On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend, he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"
The man said, "Beat it, kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last, they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."

They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
 

Tigar

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Why I’d be kicked outa the Scooby Gang:

Shaggy: Zoinks!

Scooby: Ruh-Roh

Daphne: Jeepers

Velma: Jinkies

Tigar: Well fuck me running!
 
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Ava Glasgow

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Stupid me played that video in a room with two sleeping cats. Two cats that are no longer sleeping, and who are getting revenge on me by staring out the window in a very freaked out manner like there is something really fucking scary out there. :oops:
 

Tigar

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Stupid me played that video in a room with two sleeping cats. Two cats that are no longer sleeping, and who are getting revenge on me by staring out the window in a very freaked out manner like there is something really fucking scary out there. :oops:
I played that video and 3 outa 4 kitties 🐱 came storming in here and swarmed around n’ maybe it was my imagination, but I coulda swore I heard ‘em yellin’ “Stop torturin’ taht kitty!”
 
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