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4 out of 3 people struggle with math.
Dear Santa,
This year all I ask for is a big fat bank account and a slim body.
Please, don't mix up the two like you did last year.
Dear Santa....
Before I explain, how much do you know already?
When you stop believing in Santa,
you get underwear. socks and ties.
This Christmas instead of gifts,
I'm giving everyone my opinions.
Dear Santa,
I'm good at being naughty.
Which list do I get on?
Dear Santa,
Just leave your credit card under the three.
Thanks, Sid.
Why do bees hum?
Because they can never remember the words.
250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. No, I’m not fat. I’m just not on the right planet.
45 is like a slinky:
Not really good for much,
but brings a smile to your face,
when pushed down the stairs.
Just because my path is different,
doesn't mean I'm lost.
Respect your parents.
They passed school without Google!
Thank God, I don't have to hunt for food.
I don't even know where tacos live!
Old? Me?
No, I'm vintage.
Everybody wants to change the world, but nobody wants to change the toilet paper roll.
Don't be sad when a bird craps on your head. Be happy that elephants can't fly.
Tried watching The Never Ending Story, couldn't finish it.
I'm not fat.
I'm just ........
easier to see!
I want to be like a caterpillar.
Eat a lot. Sleep a while.
Wake up beautiful.
Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
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