What color hair do bald men put down on their driver’s license?
New profile posts
Why do we say the alarm went off when, in fact, it went on?
You never fully understand or value what you have until, of course, it's gone. And toilet paper is a good example
My girlfriend swallowed a bunch of glitter before sex. The orgasm was epic and really pretty.
ENJOY EREXTIONS WITH ENHANCEMENT KETO!!!
If I were a plastic surgeon, I would add a squeaky toy in every breast implant.
The fact that there is a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven, says a lot about anticipated traffic.
A doctor told me I had 1 year left to live. I killed him and here I am ... in prison. 25 years and counting 
Where does meat in the pokemon world come from?
why do they call them chicken fingers if chickens don't have fingers?
This is a profile post. There are many like it but this one is mine.
If you’re happy and you know it,
clap your trap!
clap your trap!
I hate when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy. It's not like I did anything
Growing up means accepting that sometimes you are the pigeon and sometimes the statue.
I never trust children. They are here to replace us. 
Did you just fall? No, 
I was checking if gravity still works
I was checking if gravity still works
It's amazing how fast they try to assist you when you start the chainsaw in the Home Depot
What have you learnt in this pandemic? me? To hold my cough
My last girlfriend was such a milf that when we'd do it cowgirl style, she used to say "first time I sit in my whole day".