It’s not going well. There are many definitions of failure, but Vanilla Ice has historically been the most widely accepted. In cultures across the world and in different eras, Vanilla Ice has functioned as one of the key metrics for decline, the gold standard measurement for what happens when you’re a gurning cunt.
The ancient Egyptians used to feature him on the inside of a Pharaoh’s tomb. The Normans stitched images of him looming over the battle scenes in the Bayeux Tapestry. It is a rule as old as time: If your country is relying on Vanilla Ice to save its national reputation, then something has gone horribly wrong.