Nobody Cares: the Non-Fungible Thread

Dakota Tebaldi

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In case how all these coding errors can't just be fixed is really confusing people who aren't that familiar with crypto and how it works, I'll try to explain it as best I can.

So the "blockchain" that cryptocurrencies are based on is just a database that you can only write new entries to the end of. Whenever a new "coin" or whatever (more on "whatever" in a sec) is created, an entry is added to the blockchain saying "coin number 47284 has been created". And whenever a coin moves - from one wallet to another, etc - an entry is added to the blockchain saying "coin number 47284 has been moved from wallet XYZ to wallet ABC". New entries can be added like this to the end any time, but older entries both stay on the blockchain forever AND can never be edited. Entries, once added, are indelible.

When Bitcoin was created, it literally only dealt in coins. That's all their blockchain was - entries saying Bitcoins were created and other entries saying they were moved. Somebody had the idea that blockchains could do more than just count beans though, so some techbros created a new cryptocurrency called Etherium; its gimmick was that the tokens you could add to the end of its blockchain COULD be its coins - called Ethers - but they could ALSO be like, just a little module of computer code. Etherium calls these bits of code added to its blockchain "smart contracts" and they have an upper size limit (because memory is finite) but aside from that the code could be anything. It could just be a unique number and a URL that points to an image, which is nominally what a basic NFT is. But it could also be like, a tiny executable program, or a tiny part of a larger one. And while each individual "smart contract" has a size limit, the code inside them can point to or reference other code in other smart contracts; so by minting several of them you can kind of build a fairly large computer program whose code is distributed across any number of tokens and it'll work, using the blockchain as a kind of decentralized giant computer. A slow and hugely inefficient one, but still.

So that all sounds like great copy for a brochure and it sells well, but here's the thing: computer code HAS BUGS. Some bugs will break the program and others will just allow people interacting with the program to use it in unintended ways (i.e., exploits). And the bigger a program is, the more bugs it could have. Just because you've broken the code up into tiny bits doesn't make it necessarily easier to debug.

People who normally make software deal with this by debugging as best they can and then after release if any bugs are still found and reported by users, they can release patches to fix them.

But, and here's the kicker: remember, the blockchain is indelible. Old entries can't be edited. Once you put a smart contract with a bit of code onto the blockchain, it can never be patched. You can in theory replace the smart contract with the faulty code by minting a new one with fixed code, but you can't change the rest of your distributed program to reference the new smart contract instead of the old one either; you have to replace the WHOLE program. If your old, broken program is still holding onto some cryptomoney and the broken code won't let it be released, there's no way to get it out; even if you did replace the program with a whole new one, all that money that's still in the old machine is just lost.

Oh and by the way, when I said earlier that the code "could be anything", that means it can also be like - a tiny program that anyone can drop into your crypto wallet which outwardly looks like just an NFT but whenever you click on it in your wallet for any reason at all it just instantly transfers everything else that's already in your wallet to someone else. And that's how people with ugly gorilla NFTs keep getting their shizzle stolen, and there's literally no way to patch this shocking vulnerability on Etherium, ever, so Etherium fans and evangelists kinda just carry on with life literally pretending it doesn't exist.
 

Noodles

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Yeah but with Blockchain we can move away from a centralized system that benefits rich bankers and to a decentralized system that benefits rich assholes with a majority stake in whatever particular chain!
 
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Kamilah Hauptmann

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This is also why we have reversibility built into the banking and legal system. Mistakes and fraud happen, so there are ways to undo them, or at least try to, and/or punish the fraudsters.
It’s almost like people who believe themselves more wise than the sum total of human knowledge end up in places like @CryptoBrosTakingLs or r/hermancainaward
 

danielravennest

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Yeah but with Blockchain we can move away from a centralized system that benefits rich bankers and to a decentralized system that benefits rich assholes with a majority stake in whatever particular chain!
Someone did an analysis of Bitcoin holdings by address some years back. It basically had the same distribution as wealth across the world. A few addresses held a large percentage of all bitcoins. So it didn't do anything to "decentralize".
 
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bubblesort

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What a disaster! The bored ape yacht club has been funged!


LOL, they got had with a simple phishing attack. I hate crypto nerds with no idea how security is supposed to work. I think, if I ever do go into crypto, or have to deal with crypto companies, I'll insist on only communicating with them using PGP encrypted and signed emails. If they can't even use PGP, they aren't paranoid enough. I'll also put a unique URL in every message. No need to ask them to click it, just leave it there and see what happens. If they are dumb enough to click that URL, they are too dumb to do business with.

What are some other ways to test somebody's basic security literacy?
 

Argent Stonecutter

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Cryptobros on Twitter are going apeshit over "funged" jokes and complaining that people don't understand the word.
 
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I'm making a non-fungible penne pasta primavera with feta cheese for dinner tomorrow.
 
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I know the word isn't the same, but I keep thinking of mushrooms every time I see fungible.
You have to pronounce it fun-guh-ble.
 
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Now I want to make fungi themed nfts
 

Dakota Tebaldi

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Since even a lot of NFT bros recognize that paying tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars for "the rights to a picture" all by itself is silly, a common trend is to produce NFTs that are - ostensibly - more than just....that. A very common schema is to find NFT projects whose NFT's aren't JUST an ugly profile pic, but also double as an access credential that gives the owner a voting stake in some kind of enterprise. These enterprises are called DAOs, or "decentralized autonomous organizations" and are basically just a company that is funded with cryptocurrency, has some automated corporate administrative functions carried out by software made out of "smart contracts" as I described in that long post earlier, and like any company is designed to do or sell some "thing" for profit.

The things these DAOs are supposed to do is arbitrary. A DAO's goal can be to produce a video game (that's a very common one and is the foundation of the "Web 3.0 crapola) or some type of media like a TV show or comic book. It can be to open a restaurant or a casino. It can be to run a subscription mystery-box service. Basically anything. Most of the time the DAO presents its goals in vague and noncommittal language; and sometimes - hilariously - the DAO doesn't have any specified goal at all, saying that NFT buyers will be able to vote on what the DAO is supposed to do in the future whenever the smart-contract-software is finally set up. But no matter what the DAO is supposed to do or how vaguely or not its goals are defined, it always starts the same - the smart-contract-software doesn't exist yet, but the access NFTs are for sale NOW, and you definitely want to buy them NOW because when the software is finished and the plans start to come together and everyone wants in on the action the value of the tokens is going to go through the roof!

It is, needless to say, extremely common for an NFT project to announce itself and publish an exciting "roadmap" and sell loads of tokens and make all kinds of money, and then suddenly very disappointedly announce that some insurmountable obstacle has been encountered and the project cannot go forward. Or, the person(s) running the project just quietly stops communicating one day, leaving participants wondering about the state of the thing. Or they suddenly completely kill the social media accounts, Discord server, and websites without any announcement at all. However they do it, the project stops existing, the people who bought-in still have the tokens they bought but those tokens are now both useless and have no resale value, and the project creator laughs all the way to the crypto exchange with his earnings. Whenever and however this situation happens, it's known as a "rug pull".

It's important to recognize that rug pulls can be intentional and unintentional. An NFT project-planner can know from the very beginning that he's making promises he has no intention of keeping and selling NFTs consciously planning to take the money and run, OR they can be a true believer who genuinely thinks at first that he can do what he proposes to do, and well into the planning phase discovers that it's actually impossible (or just too much work to accomplish, he's out of his depth, or whatever), realizes that the project is doomed, and just walks off with the project wallet as a consolation prize because there's no consequences for doing so.

In the article above, though, it was pretty obviously planned from the beginning. This project claimed to have the actual, legal rights to produce official Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles NFTs, but before they were able to sell any tokens, someone independently investigated and found out they had no such rights. So they had to make an announcement that "oh we totally bought rights, but after investigating it turns out we bought fake rights from a fraudster instead of the genuine official rights, so we can't make the NFTs after all". This was intended to be the eventual rug-pull excuse, but they were forced to make it early and cancel the scam because that meddling independent investigator killed the hype before the project could get off the ground.