Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2020 Winners

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If you've not heard of it, the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, to quote Wikipedia, is a:

tongue-in-cheek contest, held annually and sponsored by the English Department of San Jose State University in San Jose, California. Entrants are invited "to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels" – that is, one which is deliberately bad.

The winners for 2020 are listed here. The grand prize submission:

Her Dear John missive flapped unambiguously in the windy breeze, hanging like a pizza menu on the doorknob of my mind.

My personal favorite comes from the Fantasy & Horror category:

She was the aptly named Queen of Night, dark in demeanor and sullen in psyche, nocturnal as well so her given names, Madleve, Noirine, Vespereth were spoken only in the eboonic gloom of a moonless night whereas otherwise everyone just called her “Debbie.”