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Janel Comeau 🍁 (@verybadllama.bsky.social)
going outside to flash my tits at people mid-rapture tomorrow just to see if I can cause enough impure thoughts to send some of 'em crashing downbsky.app
There's no oxygen in heaven? Uh oh.I mean, where exactly are the headed? Outer space? Enjoy the lack of oxygen!
The "Rapture" was originally supposed to happen just a few years after Jesus' death - and according to some Christian denominations, the number of people who will be "saved" is quite limited. For example, Jehovah's Witnesses believe only 144,000 people will go to Heaven.Nobody got raptured because nobody was good enough. We're all going to hell, folks. See you there!
"The Rapture," per se is a uniquely evangelical protestant concept, derived by torturing volumes of meaning out of two lines (or so) of scripture. It is supposed to precede the Big Troubles of the apocalypse, aka "the tribulation," aka "The End of The World." It was a creation of this clearly-not-insane fellow, John Darby:The "Rapture" was originally supposed to happen just a few years after Jesus' death - and according to some Christian denominations, the number of people who will be "saved" is quite limited. For example, Jehovah's Witnesses believe only 144,000 people will go to Heaven.
So, you could argue that the "end of the world" already happened and nobody noticed.
What's so funny about these end times predictions is not just that the Rapture isn't part of the bible, it's also that the bible is actually clear that the end will be a surprise!"The Rapture," per se is a uniquely evangelical protestant concept, derived by torturing volumes of meaning out of two lines (or so) of scripture. It is supposed to precede the Big Troubles of the apocalypse, aka "the tribulation," aka "The End of The World." It was a creation of this clearly-not-insane fellow, John Darby:
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As for the JW's, I've been told they believe all 144,000 spots have already been filled.* You would think this would present a rather significant marketing challenge, but they teach that the Good Sheep who have lived lives worthy of salvation will live in an Earthly paradise. The 144,000 get to be the Cosmic Board of Directors or some such.
So, maybe you're right -- the Rapture already happened way back when, taking those 144,000, and the End of The World is still pending, perhaps postponed due to technical difficulties.
* Spots for sale on Craigslist? Must check.
I'm not exactly a biblical scholar but I think if your "interpretation" of the bible's vague versus contradict what the bible states directly, you're probably wrong.But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.
-Matthew 24:36
It gets worse.What's so funny about these end times predictions is not just that the Rapture isn't part of the bible, it's also that the bible is actually clear that the end will be a surprise!
I'm not exactly a biblical scholar but I think if your "interpretation" of the bible's vague versus contradict what the bible states directly, you're probably wrong.
) which is why no one can possibly know exactly when it comes. SEE? IT'S AS PLAIN AS THE NOSE ON YOUR FACE!!
This reminds me of the "interpretation" of this quote:It gets worse.
That verse from Matthew you quoted gets twisted around by some to point to Rosh Hashanah as the date of The Rapture and/or generalized apocalypse because -- prepare to shake your head -- Rosh Hashanah starts on a New Moon and in those days they didn't know for sure when the New Moon would come (as, apparently, astronomy was a modern invention?) which is why no one can possibly know exactly when it comes. SEE? IT'S AS PLAIN AS THE NOSE ON YOUR FACE!!
There's a reason the whole field of theological reasoning is called apologetics. Everyone in it should just apologize and get a real job.
This meaning is clear, but I heard the prosperity gospel knuckleheads trying to say there was a big stone arch called "Eye of Needle" or something like that... so it's actually very easy!!!! This is obviously just made up and would also make the whole statement pointless. Why have this in the bible at all if it had such a trivial meaning?It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.
-Mark 10:25
Ideas about the Rapture have been floating round in various shapes and forms since early Christianity, but as the term is generally used today, it's a doctrine originally promulgated in the C19th by John Nelson Darby, founder of the Plymouth Brethren, a reclusive extreme protestant sect in the UK, and popularised in the US by Cyrus Scofield and William E. Blackstone.The "Rapture" was originally supposed to happen just a few years after Jesus' death - and according to some Christian denominations, the number of people who will be "saved" is quite limited. For example, Jehovah's Witnesses believe only 144,000 people will go to Heaven.
So, you could argue that the "end of the world" already happened and nobody noticed.