Nobody Cares About Mythology

Kamilah Hauptmann

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Tired: Perseus killed a monster.
Wired: Medusa was assassinated.
Hired: Avenge Medusa.
 

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How about that Zeus? I think he got laid more often impersonating snakes or bulls or birds than he did humans. Looks like zoophilia was something beyond a rare kink amongst those ancient Greeks, huh?

:hellokitty:
 

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Freshman, ancient Greek studies: "Oh wow, Greece, the founder of western civilization, philosophy, theatre!"
Senior, ancient Greek studies: "WHAT THE HELL, GREECE??!! fuck this sh.t."
Professor, ancient Greek studies: "my job here is done."

Most of their knowledge came from Egypt, anyways.
 
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For me one of the weirder, shitty mythic characters is Erysichthon (yeah I had to go look the spelling up), or sometimes Triopas, of Thessaly.

He ordered (depending on version of the myth) a grove of trees honoring Demeter be cut down, or Demeter's temple itself be torn down, for use in building the roof of his house. Naturally, tragedy ensues when Demeter curses him with an unending hunger. The Greek gods were not ones to be bothered with poetic justice. Anyway, the moral lesson turns fucking horrible when Ovid tells it: the more he ate, the hungrier he got, where he's left to sell off all his possessions for food, even selling his daughter into slavery. Eventually, hunger possessing every last moment, Erysichthon relents to self cannibalism!

Jesus. Speaking of mythic cannibalism...
 
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