The Sex Recession

[Brenda Archer]

I'm guessing far-far away from the San Francisco, LA regions. Far enough that it could be mistaken for Nevada.

I did not notice a culture difference between the Bay Area and Portland except it's even more liberal in places, and of course a faster and more expensive pace of life.

Most of us have aged out of any kind of looks based dating culture, if we were ever in it at all. After a certain age who you can meet is based on who you can befriend socially and there are no shortcuts. I have also found that anyone too far out of my social range has values different enough from mine that it wouldn't be a happy pairing anyway.

I've traveled all over the US and found no exceptions to this rule.

 

[Zaida Gearbox]

Are we making this too complex? The sort of day-in, day-out grinding anxiety that modern societies are prone to - that they make sitcoms about - that social networks stoke - that people take record numbers of pills to alleviate - kills peoples' sex drives dead.

There's also this. If we're all feeling crowded in our apartments, on our freeways, while watching TV ... mother nature will act to cut down the crowding by damping the impulse to make babies. I live in a pretty roomy home and don't commute anymore - nevertheless, if I watch or listen to the news, suddenly I've invited the whole world into my home and it feels very crowded.

I think there's also an unrealistic or crazy expectation of how much space individuals need. My great-grandparents raised five children in a 2 bedroom 1 bath house house - well really 6 since my great-grandmother basically raised my mother until the age of 12. I grew up in what was originally a 3 bedroom, 1 bath house. My step-father had to build a wall up the middle of my bedroom to stop me from murdering my little sister who kept getting into/destroying my stuff. The family across the street from us had three kids in a two bedroom house and those bedrooms were very small. The house I currently live in is 3 bedrooms 1 1/2 bath. The family we bought it from owned it from the 1940's until we bought it in 2014. But, they also raised 4 kids in this house. The basement looks like it was once a rec room and that is where the 1/2 bath is. And even in this house - the two smaller bedrooms aren't that much bigger than prison cells - probably about 10x12, and two kids lived in each of them. But, now people think that each kid needs to have their own room and their own bathroom, there needs to be dedicated teen space, the dad needs a man-cave, the mom needs a she-shed. I mean really? WTF? Most people for the entire history of the world did not have this kind of personal space unless they were super rich. I mean where did this sense of entitlement to all this space come from? Growing up - lack of personal space/peace and quiet in the house was just incentive to spend as much time as possible OUT of the house.

 

[GoblinCampFollower]

People "like that" live all around me, literally, on my block and the entire neighborhood. Men who don't bathe, women who have lost teeth because they are meth addicts, and alcoholics that hole up in their houses, which are falling apart. And my point still holds: people find partners.

Just to be clear, I was making a related, but somewhat different point; and not rebuking or disagreeing with you.

I think there's also an unrealistic or crazy expectation of how much space individuals need.

I think we are ludicrously underestimating how much space people need. Google "urbanization and mental health" and other such terms. There are long term, severe, ill effects from us all being clustered together.

 

[Kaimi Kyomoon]

I think there's also an unrealistic or crazy expectation of how much space individuals need. My great-grandparents raised five children in a 2 bedroom 1 bath house house - well really 6 since my great-grandmother basically raised my mother until the age of 12. I grew up in what was originally a 3 bedroom, 1 bath house. My step-father had to build a wall up the middle of my bedroom to stop me from murdering my little sister who kept getting into/destroying my stuff. The family across the street from us had three kids in a two bedroom house and those bedrooms were very small. The house I currently live in is 3 bedrooms 1 1/2 bath. The family we bought it from owned it from the 1940's until we bought it in 2014. But, they also raised 4 kids in this house. The basement looks like it was once a rec room and that is where the 1/2 bath is. And even in this house - the two smaller bedrooms aren't that much bigger than prison cells - probably about 10x12, and two kids lived in each of them. But, now people think that each kid needs to have their own room and their own bathroom, there needs to be dedicated teen space, the dad needs a man-cave, the mom needs a she-shed. I mean really? WTF? Most people for the entire history of the world did not have this kind of personal space unless they were super rich. I mean where did this sense of entitlement to all this space come from? Growing up - lack of personal space/peace and quiet in the house was just incentive to spend as much time as possible OUT of the house.

I live now in the 1920's house where I grew up. Back then we had 2 bedrooms and one bath. All our rooms were bigger than those in the houses around us which also had 2 bedrooms and one bath. They were mostly built for returning G.I.'s. Virtually all of them are mini mansions now.

My dad made a clever floor to ceiling divider in the room my brother and I shared. It included compartments to hang things up and with shelves. Our new rooms were small and strangely shaped to each include a door and windows.

After he died my mom paid for a big addition so I and my family could move in with her. It gave us two master suites, a laundry room, an office and an attached garage. My two youngest step-daughters needed separate rooms. We and my mom needed ours and our bathrooms.

So I totally get what you're saying and I also get why everyone who can afford it wants 4 bedroom, 3 bath houses like ours. Dedicated teen space, a man-cave, and a she-shed are luxuries we never needed, nor a "play space" for the younger kids. All our toys fit in our bedrooms.

 

[Turin]

I'm pushing 50 with the libido of an 18 year old. There has always been one constant from HS to current with finding female partners for .. shenanigans.. or otherwise and thats intelligence. People who are too busy looking in a mirror or at the phone, I'm out. I'll never know if you were intelligent because your lack of basic manners has forced me to already tune you out. Have an intelligent conversation about anything from nat'l infrastructure, space, infotech or the last book you read and my boxer briefs go interactive for you.

 

[Brenda Archer]

Being crowded together is one thing in a tight knit, non-dysfunctional family capable of accommodating one another's schedules. It's quite another thing to be overcrowded with neighbors, or worse roommates, with unfamiliar and possibly dangerous patterns of dysfunction and addiction. The less loyalty and order there is, the greater the need for physical forms of personal boundaries. At its extreme, this is a safety issue.

Nothing shuts down any kind of dating scene faster than a space where women feel unsafe. This is why I went on before about the need for social groups. There are a lot of places where most people will not allow strangers to really meet them. It's a big difference from the little town I grew up in which was effectively one big social group. That sort of thing has gotten rare.

 

[Zaida Gearbox]

I don't know my family put the FUN in dysfunctional - you guys have read some of my stories about them - but living in a house where we were packed in like sardines was mostly a motivation to spend as much time as possible outside of the house.

Maybe that's part of the problem. Parents are EXPECTED to be up their kids' butts 24/7. Let the kid walk down to the park alone - someone calls the cops on you. When I was a kid - and especially when I was a teenager - if it was daylight I was not at home. I was down at the park, at the public library, or something like that. The main reason I got a job as soon as I was able wasn't so much the money as a desire to get the fuck away from my family - especially my younger siblings. If I was home I couldn't get 5 minutes of peace without my mother shouting up the stairs, "I need help..." which meant she needed me to do all of the housework and/or take care of my younger siblings. They used to unlock my school at 6:45 am. I know this because I was usually there waiting for the maintenance guy to unlock the doors, so I could go in and do my fucking homework because doing it at home was very nearly impossible - well impossible if I wanted to sleep.

 

[Brenda Archer]

In any given year, 1 out of 11couples relying on the Pill will end up with a surprise pregnancy. For couples relying on condoms alone, this rises to 1 out of 6!

By contrast, state-of-the-art IUD’s and implants drop the pregnancy rate below 1 in 500 while allowing a prompt return to normal fertility when they are removed. With a modern IUD in place, a woman enjoys he same level of protection as with tubal sterilization. In other words, we now have the technology to make surprise pregnancy truly surprising. It is easy to understand why advocates for children like the American Academy of Pediatrics, and advocates for healthy families like the California Family Health Council and CDC are eager to see these top tier birth control methods become the new normal.

The Junk Science and Bad Faith Behind Colorado’s IUD Controversy