I was at Walmart last night and heard a lady screaming at the employees and throwing a tantrum and more. When I came around the end of the aisle, I was hit in the head by a Coke can she had thrown, one of many impromptu flying objects it turns out. As security tackled her, a manager came up to me and asked if I was ok and did I require an ambulance.
I replied "Nah, I'm fine, no damage done, luckily it was a soft drink."
A elderly man goes to confession and says bless me father for I have sinned.
Today I ran into two 18 year blondes practically wearing nothing. We went to a hotel room and had sex all day.
The priest says "this is very serious committing adultery, perform 5 novenas "
The old man says "Wait I am not Catholic"
The priest asks "Why are you telling me?"
The old fella says "I am telling everybody"